The 10 Worst Habits of Oregon Drivers - by Steve Duncan
- Pass everyone Elroy
Elroy is the type of guy that has to pass everyone. You are all loosers with nowhere to go anyway, so get the heck out of his way. See my article, “Pass Everyone”.
- The Lumbering Snoozer Sally
Eight seconds after the light turns green, Sally might start her car moving. Two seconds later, the light is red, but Sally doesn’t care. She also does not believe in free-right turns and uses all her time at lights and stop signs for important things like make-up and talking on her cell phone.
- My Lane Never Ends Ernie
Whatever lane Ernie is in is the one that continues. Never mind that yellow sign with the little bottleneck symbol, Ernie is in the through lane, darn it. You’d better not try and assert your right of way, either, cause Ernie will look straight ahead as he runs you off the road.
- Guess the Direction Darrell
Left, right, straight ahead, there’s no telling with Guess the Direction Darrell. He’s great fun at four-way stops. His turn signal lever is frozen in time, and the nose of his car gives no clue either as to his intentions.
- After You Arnie
Arnie is so polite and accomodating. He will wave you into traffic even when cars are coming in the other lane. Not only is Arnie an accident waiting to happen (to you, not him), he holds up everyone behind him when the safe thing to do is just get his own butt moving.
- Median-Driving Marty
Why wait in a long line of cars when you can simply drive down the center of the road? Marty is flying down the road in the turn lane, so you’d better not try and use it for it’s intended purpose.
- U-turn Ulrich
Ulrich must be from California, cause he thinks anywhere is a good place for a U-turn. Intersections, bridges, overpasses, sidewalks, you name it. If he ever read the driver’s handbook he’d know our laws on the subject are “a little different” here.
- Don’t Let Em’ In Ida
Ida must have a very frustrating life, because when she is behind the wheel of her car she likes to be in charge. On the freeway, she’s unwavering. In real life, she’s a doormat, but on a controlled-access road, she’s number one.
- Cross-walk Kamakazee Chris
Chris is so anxious to make that turn that he can’t wait for the blind guy with the seeing-eye dog to even get half way across. Kids, strollers, old people; they are just lolly-gaggers out to impede his progress. Then there’s that thoughtless pedestrian who dares to press the “walk” button.
- Lane Wandering Walt
Look out! Here comes Walt and he’s going wide! You would think he’s going out for a pass the way he swings wildly from one lane to another. Don’t bother to signal, cause Walt won’t and he isn’t watching yours.